Disaster............

things are disastrous...but everything seems out of control....
i have become a girl..for the first time in a million ages i am not able to control my feelings...i m not able to block out the hurt...i am so vulnerable...i am back to being sentimental...all my defenses are crumbling around her....and the results are just ominous...

dude like honestly...hers my question...
if i am not going to lorraine....and that has no effect in u going there or not...why is the fact that prahlad not going there even bother you...like really...i get it you connect with him and all....but when i am so happy and all....and we were finally looking like we cn have a good time...why prahlad ???????...

the other person....whom i am not feeling so good abou is her sister...god knws wat her actual name is...maybe i shud ask her and just remember it...i hate nicknames....its like...she considers her next to nothing...which is fine...its that everytime she talks about her...she expects me to understand which i dont...its not a problme nw...bt in the future i can see this being a huge problem...like a giant huge one...

oh and i am really sorry...that in our 8 months short time...u never felt like you have been taken on a date..i dnt knw wat to say...maybe i am just short on imagination...maybe i am just too unsophisticated or unclassy to think of a date ...i feel pathetic...i feel like..i am like the uncoolest thing in her life..there honestly are times....when i feel like a servant standard person around her....low class is the word...

and i am really sorry...that u never felt love or watever...acc to me...even sex is overrated...everything is....nthng lasts for long...bt i genuinel am sorry..that u never felt like making love...i have no idea wat to do about that...its been like 4 days since we did anything physically....the streak is gonna go longer for the timebeing atleast...

i dont know man..somethings clearly lacking in me...i shud take some mens grooming classes or sumthng....and learn sum new tricks lol....me isnt good enuf....i needa sell myself better...

i have an interview tomorw.and a 8 o clock class....and i am already feeling supremely low about myself...tonight wasnt the night i wanted to feel like this...i pray to God i dont wake up on the wrong side of the bed tomorw...

To my guide, you shud see my sincerity..u shud see my efforts..u shud see what all i am going through..help me out...give me the strength for her...i want to make her happy..i want this to work out....give me the strength..give me the stability where i can ignore myself and focus on her....give me those things back...