End of Season 1

Season one : A brief review

It was all about Enduring, Exploring, Improvising.

Overall : satisfying

It had to happen. it just had to. it obviously felt like the most natural thing. from the first day i had started talkin to her, everything had to assimilate to this point. a relationship.
well it happened.

i dont quite appreciate the way it happened, but maybe that was the way its supposed to be. i wud rather ask her out when she is completely happy hopeful and burden free, than ask her when shes broken, shattered and lonely.

nevertheless its okkay. things arent going great, which makes it better. it is a mess, it is random. there is chaos. there is stress. there is tension. there is friction. there is ego. there is anger. there is hatred. there is hurt. there is pain. there is reatliation. there is sarcasm. and after all that comes the love. THE BEST THING .

it is not boring. it is fairly entertaining. peak points feel better. the low points are the challenge. intellectually challenging. spiritually testing.
a test of patience perseverance and grit matched up with fiery passion outrageous ego's and love filled with hatred.

its like i am in this journey with her, where i know she is the one who will kill and i am the one who will destroy her, yet i am the one who supports her and she is the one who levitates me.

i need her to severe me open and she needs me to keep her bounded. she is my challenge and i am her devil. without one, the other wouldnt be his/her own self. without the other, the one would be half.

u know u are on the right track, when u can speak the most hurtful things possible and stil orgasm after 2 hours. its inexplicable. and yet that is what it is. agonizingly wild, marvellously sensual.

"i am not in this relationship coz i like anything about u. its so that i can change you"..vikram 1 pravi 0

"you make me feel like a failure, whn i know i am not" vikram 1 pravi 1

" i hav sucked nimits cock before" disqualified.

SLAP SLAP SLAP lol...vikram 2 pravi 1

"it was more beautiful than that" vikram 2 pravi 2

"my hands were under her bra" vikram 3 pravi 2

"he wud never hurt me like this" vikram 3 pravi 3

"u dont knw what it is like to be vikrams gf" vikram 3 pravi infinity

"nitya wud knw" vikram 5 pravi 0

"grow up vikram"...vikram 5 pravi 5

the list will continue. the points will change. the domination does switch. the hurt persons name changes. the guilt is for both.


sum subtle things needa change.....they will change...
i needa be more funny. der has to be sumthng about cumin to me that she shud feel happy about. i needa make conversations more colourful. i needa make myself a funnier larger than life character. i need to do this for her. she deserves it. i shud be the escape. i shud be the good guy.
she needs to be more thoughtful bout the stuff she says. and i needa see her thoughtfulness. she shudnt tell killer dialogues coz i cant match up to that. even if she does, just a sorry doesnt help. there are twoo steps...first step apology...second step comedy....as long as that simple incident hasnt becum a funny thing it isnt gonna escape my mind....its all about laughter and having fun...and making these giant mental blocks into a mere joke...its the only way of overcoming.
sexual renovation required. everyday shagging and rubbing is nt good in the long run. either differnt hings need to happen or the frequency has to reduce. maybe i shud start living in my room more...and then go to her for that one special night. or mayb i can live with her and be mature enuf to kip my hands of her. mayb she shd be more expressive and tell me what she likes what she wants to do and when she is in the mood...jus this past week she initiated and it felt wonderful. its the intention that matters here..pravi , u needa express ur sexuality. no wait ...express later...explore first...it isnt a bad thing..u hav ignored it coz it was jus about u..now i am involved as well..so it is kinda important for u to explore as well...
academically...i am happy...i am happy she did wonderful this semester. i am happy i didnt do jackshit this semester. makes me feel like i put in so much effort into this relationship lol...lets kip the good work continuing..next sem will be different...i am gonna be a burdened person..i hope she does her share of lightening my load/keeping me on track. it is important.
responsibility wise, i think u needa improve here. twice, in this semester, i felt like i saved this relationship. i dnt like that feeling.makes me feel kinda lonely and all...i knw the second time u had the intention but well surprise surprise...i respect the intention here....yet i am hoping to see sum more results.....i have given my personal private space for u..and u are sharing a life and a bed withme....if it has to work, we both needa be equally responsible...u needa take care of my studies i needa take care of urs..u needa take care of my wishes...i shud fulfil urs...u needa start saving relationships..i shud stop making it that bad...both need focus on what we overall want..


oh and my back hurts...and i havend had a good conscience free piss...
and i needa start cooking more....and she needs to remind that to me more...
and u needa drink water more...and stop complaining about ur fat...
and i needa start making fun of ur mom, yet i shud not be rude...
and u need to start understanding my moods more.....

baby the thing ...is ....we are both explosive in character...individually fucked up yet exceptional..together there is a lot of potential, and we arent anywhere near that....
things are gonna happen for the good

love is not the only essential thing in a relationship....other tiny aspects are involved...
we are on the right track...we are doing good...we will do good
i am happy with her...i hope she is happy with me...
mayb camping will help...lol
mayb philip pulman will..
mayb pg wodehouse will...
but regardless...it can only get better...

i missed ur presence the one night u werent with me...we went to bharats restaurant...and it kinda felt weird having an entire dish to urself...and not askin u what do u want..it felt bad no one asked what i want..it felt weird not talkin to sumone while eating..

april 5th can go suck its balls...

sleep vs me

SLEEP WINS...lol

i kinda feel ashamed of myself....last night...i forced her and all...today evening i was forcing her and all...but heres the thing that bothers me.....why doesnt she stop me.. ??...it feels like..she doesnt really care....

well i am ashamed that my hands were in their while you were sleeping...but that honestly wasnt sexual...it was me experiencing a miracle...it was interesting..

but after that you werent asleep, i wasnt asleep....and yet i felt like....like an intruder..
if you didnt want it..just say it...if u want it ..show it...since it was neither of the two....i have to presume, it doesnt really matter for you....a sexual invalid....

woodruff dining hall - "she isnt a good choice"...."ummm...shut up...hw wud u knw that?"...
a stupid dining hall dude..cn talk in a flirting tone about my gf to me...wat am i supposed to do about that ?..the way he smiled at me when he said,"i am bout to go talk to your girl"...its kinda depressing....it isnt insecurity....it isnt possessive nature....it is simple irritation...

it is irritation....when rahul says such stuff...when the dining guy says such stuff...when anuraag said all those stuff..when yuvraj said all those stuff...lol...when ankit said all those stuff....i mean...ankit was kinda funny...but still it was about u....anuraag was the most hurtful..yuvrajs was the most derogatory..ankits was funny..but still it was all about u....

"forgive me for all that happened"...who am i to forgive...??...u created this turmoil...i am a mere spectator...all those above guys knw...they are nt comparable to what vikram is to pravi...i knw pravi....if it is me against the world...you ll chose me....it is a satisfying feeling...

i dnt hold your past against you...i hold the way you deal with the past against you...

your sexuality needs to improve.....
you are dealing with a really sensitive pervert...lol...
i already have amazing levels of low self esteem regarding my physical nature..i understand that a huge belly crooked eyes bald head and agressive egoistic person is nt the most amiable person to sleep with....but with you literally having no reaction...it goes further down....i dnt want to be the initiator everytime..i dnt wanna be the one n control everytime...in fact nt everytime..i dnt want to do that ever..coz it makes me feel desperate..i dnt need your sympathy sexually...lol...

my frankness needs to improve...
but yo uhave to help me there..if everytime i open up..and i have to see you saying hurtful stuff back or a crying face...theres no reason for me to open up...i shud open up..only if it does me sum good...i will open up...i want to open up..i have always tried to....once u slept on me while iw as telling you how i became like this...i was telling u childhood stuff...and u were dozing next to me.....once u told me it is not nice being vikrams girlfriend...but despite that...i want to open up...it is tough for me and your antics/reactions/expressionless faces makes it even toguher...

i honestly believe...u dnt love me for who i am...u love me for my poker face and my actions...i dnt believe that..but its a mere apprehension...which might be true...
i am afraid...the more u get to knw me....the more you will start disliking me...

joys of being in a relationship...

"Grow up vikram"
if you are gonna hold that thing against me forever, i might as well sleep on the couch...

"it wasnt that crude...it was much more beautiful"
put two girls together and beauty is all u get....

"so what if that happened ?"
yeah stop crying...u get more action than they ever did...

"i wasnt getting defensive"
i am just letting you know that i know the other person better...i have even sucked their cocks.

"i will make an effort when i feel like it"
yeah ..coz hw tired and all i am after so much strenous work..

"are you about to cry ,pravi"
who knows, this might be the jumpstart i needed for an interrogative career.

"no as in, my hands were just under the bra"
yeah...right..i was trying to take a body temperature check, coz i am a material science engineer.

"we werent naked...we just were topless"
isnt that beautiful?..like brothers and sisters...oh and i think i have more hair than he has

"you dnt really know what its like to be vikrams girlfriend"
yeah well obviously, i havent tried fucking myself....but...i think its kind of a good thing...

"there was just this one night, where i slipped"
the other nights i was trying to understand his cock

"vikram, its much more beautiful with you"
yeah thats why i jumped boats you see....tomorrw sumone else will be more beautiful

"if we dnt talk ever again, i will crumble. it already happened, this may"
I SAW IT PRAVI,,..THATS WHY I TOOK YOU WITHIN ME...

"vikram, i love you"
oh yeah and you said that to i dnt knw how many other ppl...

"so what am i supposed to do nw ? i cant change what happened"
AND U THINK I DONT KNOW THAT...how about just dealing with me when it bothers me..

"nitya wud knw"
yeah like that really helps....nitya told me nt to get into this relationship with you...she doesnt really knw a lot about u....

how about giving me back sum credit here pravi ??...despite u being so unfair with me..i still loved you...not tryna sound like a drama queen, but i frgt everything when i asked you ...u are the only person who makes me cry....u are the only one who kills me with words...u have given me my most humiliating night....
if u think i am selfish pravi....u r just cmpletley wrong...if i had been selfish, we wudnt be talkin...if i had been selfish..vikram wud just have been a distant memory for you...if i had been selfish..u still wud have been crumpled...

yesterday was ur night to save this relationship.......u didnt....Fuck if i knw whats gonna happen nw...

hate you today too

ITS THE STUPID CONVO U TRIED HAVING WITH ME ON THE SAND......all u did...was tell me ur problems....I DONT GIVE A FUCK...I DO....BT I AM NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING ABOU TIt.....U SHALL NOT HAVE ONE MOMENT OF PERFECTNESS UNTILL U HAVE MADE ME FEEL NORMAL....

I hate u for making fun of dexter...

i hate you for making south indian references to 3 of the 4 trailers...i hate that u had to relate it to imitiaz ali...i hate that...u knw what his characterisitcs are.....

HAPPY TIMES

I am happy tonight... hurt but happy....i tried having a meaningful conversation with her... and she did cope up with me....she didnt let her ego get in between....

it amazed me...it really did...

look dear...tonights talk shows...that you are genuinely thinking about stuff...
that alone makes me a hppy person tonight...

yes i am hurt...but then there are things that never change...
- u still dont have a clue of what you do
- anuraag...lol...that dude is one other chapter...
- your ending statement....that showed...how different was the convo for you . ..you are prolly taking it in a negative sense..blaming yourself for failing..cursing me for being an arse...

but still despite of these...and many more.....i am happy tonight...i can see the intention for the effort...and even though their is no effort and the intention is too goddamn vague....its mmore than enough for me to work upon and feel happy....

love you...

SORRY

Sorry for ruining your morning heated noodles program...i didnt know it was supposed to be romantic....i was sleepy, feeling funny and lost in youtube....i shall make up for it..

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLy....i just realised....i shall never accept you friends....acc to me...they are all stupid insecure dumbfucks...who have huge giant egos and der stupid philosophies of life....maybe i am just jealous. coz i dnt have any friends who give me that level of happiness

And she did it again

Waffle house.....

After i hated her, for not texting me when she gets back....and her non chalancy at not having done that...and...i dont know...prolly she was too happy to thnk about me...way too distracted or sumthng...so she frgt what had caused me to sleep those 3 extra hours...why did i not go for the movies...and why had i not had anything to eat....

but then quite amazingly...she decides to go with me to waffle house...at like 4 in the morning...that action was legit...like it felt real good....had that dinner...talked good...and it was i dont know....it felt good....i cud talk about ppl to her...i was like in the groove..and she was listening...good stuff.....i still dont get why shud anyone go to ihop just coz they have softer pancakes but still...it felt nice and good.....

BUT THEN THE BITCH DID IT AGAIN
for sum stupid reason..i brought up anuraags topic....and even though she didnt do anything...I thot she was being defensive about him....so i gt mad..nt mad...but like....angry..pissed off i guess....bt that stuff was still fine....as in i cud have gotten back to normal instantly....its her reaction after i gt initially pissed off.....she lukd at me with that stupid smile and those dumbfuck specs...and was nudging me in the hallway....ITS NOT FUNNY....i dnt knw wat i was expecting of her...prolly of consoling me...prolly being the more mature person and taking control of me...prolly tryna have a good discussion with me about him to clear off things.....sumthng...that wud have made me feel that she was taking control over it....

BUT SHE DIDNT....

ONE MORE NEEDle....april 5th draws closer.....

This ones for you and me

You finally did it BITCH !!!!!....I cant let go of you, coz i fuckin love you. And i cant come near you, coz you fuckin hurt me. You hurt me like hell, and you have no clue how you do it. Thats just how amazing you are. you forget yourself. you stop thinking whats going around you. You lose control. You lose responsibility. But this time here, i am not the cleaner, i am the customer.

Theres a reason why i chose a date. april 5th. I dont know if its gonna hold true till then. But it should. I want that escape. If things turn out real bad for me. I want my escape. If somehow miraculously you evolve, it can always be joked about. You might not take it seriously. You might even get scared of it. But what amazes me is you never seriously looked beyond me, through me, around me to see why I chose it.

You are afraid to see bad things. May God bless you, coz bad things are gonna happen to you. My love shall not hurt you at all. My shell shall.

Every single day, that i am with you, you manage to take me out of my shell and put me back in there. every single time, you give me hope and run all over it.

With your stupid sympathy/love for Anuraag, desperation/irrespnsibility for Angela...and i dont know God knows what for everyone else, i find it tough to live
I find it tough to love.

You make it hard for me.

It kills me when you talk about Anuraag in a polite/respectful.sympathetic/insightful/anything positive....manner. IT LITERALLY KILLS ME.
everytime you do that, i feel like you stabbed one more needle in my heart...I HAVE NO ISSUES WITH YOU LOVING HIM. I HAVE ISSUES WITH YOU SHOWING IT TO ME. if you are doing something that doesnot please me, you better not let me know about it. Coz if i do know about it, you knwo i am not gonna tell you anything about it, but i am just gonna be less open towardds you.

You make it easy for me to detach myself from you. Real simple easy.

You should have long ago figured out, how possessive i am. Only if you respect the fact that i am possessive, then only shall i ever accept the fact that you can feel for other people. Instead you chose, to be expressive about it. I can smile right back at you everytime pravi, and 9/10 times you wont figure out its fake.

My love for you is real. but my relationship with you is fake. Its fake, coz you dont allow me to go into it. YOu hurt me before that.

I, for one, have literally worked my ass off for half my life, so that no once can ever hurt me. IT DOESNT CHANGE IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR ME. you either hurt me , or you come closer to me. Its your decison. I am not interfering with that.

I hate to sleep with you. Especially when i know, you would have willingly given your body to 3 other people. I hate doing it, but i shall do it. I know it doesnt affect you, It doesnt matter to you. I am not good at it, and i prolly wont ever be. But i shall do it, coz its normal. Even though it kills me. Even though it kills me when you look at me like that. Coz i know you have looked at others before like that. I AM NOT THE ONLY GUY. and it kills me.

It kills me when i am not in any of your plans. It kills me when you do things on your own. I know its wrong of me. BUT IT STILL DOES KILL ME. It kills me..

It kills me when i see you hurting Angela everyday. It kills me when i see you giving priya a fake hope. It kills me when you lie to me. When you hide things from me. when you feel things and dont tell me. When you think you are strong enough to handle things on your own. bitch you shall have unlimited chances, and i know everytime you are gonna fail.

If i come closer to you, you wont respect me enough.
If i stay away, you will end up doing stupid things.

I cant open myself to you, you wont understand half of it
I cant hide myself from you, makes me guilty.

ONLY IF YOU KNEW HOW TO DEAL WITH Me.
I can ttell you that too, otherwise AD, Nitya never should have left me.

you figure it out on ur own. hopefully, you do that before yo u have completely killed me.