End of Season 1

Season one : A brief review

It was all about Enduring, Exploring, Improvising.

Overall : satisfying

It had to happen. it just had to. it obviously felt like the most natural thing. from the first day i had started talkin to her, everything had to assimilate to this point. a relationship.
well it happened.

i dont quite appreciate the way it happened, but maybe that was the way its supposed to be. i wud rather ask her out when she is completely happy hopeful and burden free, than ask her when shes broken, shattered and lonely.

nevertheless its okkay. things arent going great, which makes it better. it is a mess, it is random. there is chaos. there is stress. there is tension. there is friction. there is ego. there is anger. there is hatred. there is hurt. there is pain. there is reatliation. there is sarcasm. and after all that comes the love. THE BEST THING .

it is not boring. it is fairly entertaining. peak points feel better. the low points are the challenge. intellectually challenging. spiritually testing.
a test of patience perseverance and grit matched up with fiery passion outrageous ego's and love filled with hatred.

its like i am in this journey with her, where i know she is the one who will kill and i am the one who will destroy her, yet i am the one who supports her and she is the one who levitates me.

i need her to severe me open and she needs me to keep her bounded. she is my challenge and i am her devil. without one, the other wouldnt be his/her own self. without the other, the one would be half.

u know u are on the right track, when u can speak the most hurtful things possible and stil orgasm after 2 hours. its inexplicable. and yet that is what it is. agonizingly wild, marvellously sensual.

"i am not in this relationship coz i like anything about u. its so that i can change you"..vikram 1 pravi 0

"you make me feel like a failure, whn i know i am not" vikram 1 pravi 1

" i hav sucked nimits cock before" disqualified.

SLAP SLAP SLAP lol...vikram 2 pravi 1

"it was more beautiful than that" vikram 2 pravi 2

"my hands were under her bra" vikram 3 pravi 2

"he wud never hurt me like this" vikram 3 pravi 3

"u dont knw what it is like to be vikrams gf" vikram 3 pravi infinity

"nitya wud knw" vikram 5 pravi 0

"grow up vikram"...vikram 5 pravi 5

the list will continue. the points will change. the domination does switch. the hurt persons name changes. the guilt is for both.


sum subtle things needa change.....they will change...
i needa be more funny. der has to be sumthng about cumin to me that she shud feel happy about. i needa make conversations more colourful. i needa make myself a funnier larger than life character. i need to do this for her. she deserves it. i shud be the escape. i shud be the good guy.
she needs to be more thoughtful bout the stuff she says. and i needa see her thoughtfulness. she shudnt tell killer dialogues coz i cant match up to that. even if she does, just a sorry doesnt help. there are twoo steps...first step apology...second step comedy....as long as that simple incident hasnt becum a funny thing it isnt gonna escape my mind....its all about laughter and having fun...and making these giant mental blocks into a mere joke...its the only way of overcoming.
sexual renovation required. everyday shagging and rubbing is nt good in the long run. either differnt hings need to happen or the frequency has to reduce. maybe i shud start living in my room more...and then go to her for that one special night. or mayb i can live with her and be mature enuf to kip my hands of her. mayb she shd be more expressive and tell me what she likes what she wants to do and when she is in the mood...jus this past week she initiated and it felt wonderful. its the intention that matters here..pravi , u needa express ur sexuality. no wait ...express later...explore first...it isnt a bad thing..u hav ignored it coz it was jus about u..now i am involved as well..so it is kinda important for u to explore as well...
academically...i am happy...i am happy she did wonderful this semester. i am happy i didnt do jackshit this semester. makes me feel like i put in so much effort into this relationship lol...lets kip the good work continuing..next sem will be different...i am gonna be a burdened person..i hope she does her share of lightening my load/keeping me on track. it is important.
responsibility wise, i think u needa improve here. twice, in this semester, i felt like i saved this relationship. i dnt like that feeling.makes me feel kinda lonely and all...i knw the second time u had the intention but well surprise surprise...i respect the intention here....yet i am hoping to see sum more results.....i have given my personal private space for u..and u are sharing a life and a bed withme....if it has to work, we both needa be equally responsible...u needa take care of my studies i needa take care of urs..u needa take care of my wishes...i shud fulfil urs...u needa start saving relationships..i shud stop making it that bad...both need focus on what we overall want..


oh and my back hurts...and i havend had a good conscience free piss...
and i needa start cooking more....and she needs to remind that to me more...
and u needa drink water more...and stop complaining about ur fat...
and i needa start making fun of ur mom, yet i shud not be rude...
and u need to start understanding my moods more.....

baby the thing ...is ....we are both explosive in character...individually fucked up yet exceptional..together there is a lot of potential, and we arent anywhere near that....
things are gonna happen for the good

love is not the only essential thing in a relationship....other tiny aspects are involved...
we are on the right track...we are doing good...we will do good
i am happy with her...i hope she is happy with me...
mayb camping will help...lol
mayb philip pulman will..
mayb pg wodehouse will...
but regardless...it can only get better...

i missed ur presence the one night u werent with me...we went to bharats restaurant...and it kinda felt weird having an entire dish to urself...and not askin u what do u want..it felt bad no one asked what i want..it felt weird not talkin to sumone while eating..

april 5th can go suck its balls...

sleep vs me

SLEEP WINS...lol

i kinda feel ashamed of myself....last night...i forced her and all...today evening i was forcing her and all...but heres the thing that bothers me.....why doesnt she stop me.. ??...it feels like..she doesnt really care....

well i am ashamed that my hands were in their while you were sleeping...but that honestly wasnt sexual...it was me experiencing a miracle...it was interesting..

but after that you werent asleep, i wasnt asleep....and yet i felt like....like an intruder..
if you didnt want it..just say it...if u want it ..show it...since it was neither of the two....i have to presume, it doesnt really matter for you....a sexual invalid....

woodruff dining hall - "she isnt a good choice"...."ummm...shut up...hw wud u knw that?"...
a stupid dining hall dude..cn talk in a flirting tone about my gf to me...wat am i supposed to do about that ?..the way he smiled at me when he said,"i am bout to go talk to your girl"...its kinda depressing....it isnt insecurity....it isnt possessive nature....it is simple irritation...

it is irritation....when rahul says such stuff...when the dining guy says such stuff...when anuraag said all those stuff..when yuvraj said all those stuff...lol...when ankit said all those stuff....i mean...ankit was kinda funny...but still it was about u....anuraag was the most hurtful..yuvrajs was the most derogatory..ankits was funny..but still it was all about u....

"forgive me for all that happened"...who am i to forgive...??...u created this turmoil...i am a mere spectator...all those above guys knw...they are nt comparable to what vikram is to pravi...i knw pravi....if it is me against the world...you ll chose me....it is a satisfying feeling...

i dnt hold your past against you...i hold the way you deal with the past against you...

your sexuality needs to improve.....
you are dealing with a really sensitive pervert...lol...
i already have amazing levels of low self esteem regarding my physical nature..i understand that a huge belly crooked eyes bald head and agressive egoistic person is nt the most amiable person to sleep with....but with you literally having no reaction...it goes further down....i dnt want to be the initiator everytime..i dnt wanna be the one n control everytime...in fact nt everytime..i dnt want to do that ever..coz it makes me feel desperate..i dnt need your sympathy sexually...lol...

my frankness needs to improve...
but yo uhave to help me there..if everytime i open up..and i have to see you saying hurtful stuff back or a crying face...theres no reason for me to open up...i shud open up..only if it does me sum good...i will open up...i want to open up..i have always tried to....once u slept on me while iw as telling you how i became like this...i was telling u childhood stuff...and u were dozing next to me.....once u told me it is not nice being vikrams girlfriend...but despite that...i want to open up...it is tough for me and your antics/reactions/expressionless faces makes it even toguher...

i honestly believe...u dnt love me for who i am...u love me for my poker face and my actions...i dnt believe that..but its a mere apprehension...which might be true...
i am afraid...the more u get to knw me....the more you will start disliking me...

joys of being in a relationship...

"Grow up vikram"
if you are gonna hold that thing against me forever, i might as well sleep on the couch...

"it wasnt that crude...it was much more beautiful"
put two girls together and beauty is all u get....

"so what if that happened ?"
yeah stop crying...u get more action than they ever did...

"i wasnt getting defensive"
i am just letting you know that i know the other person better...i have even sucked their cocks.

"i will make an effort when i feel like it"
yeah ..coz hw tired and all i am after so much strenous work..

"are you about to cry ,pravi"
who knows, this might be the jumpstart i needed for an interrogative career.

"no as in, my hands were just under the bra"
yeah...right..i was trying to take a body temperature check, coz i am a material science engineer.

"we werent naked...we just were topless"
isnt that beautiful?..like brothers and sisters...oh and i think i have more hair than he has

"you dnt really know what its like to be vikrams girlfriend"
yeah well obviously, i havent tried fucking myself....but...i think its kind of a good thing...

"there was just this one night, where i slipped"
the other nights i was trying to understand his cock

"vikram, its much more beautiful with you"
yeah thats why i jumped boats you see....tomorrw sumone else will be more beautiful

"if we dnt talk ever again, i will crumble. it already happened, this may"
I SAW IT PRAVI,,..THATS WHY I TOOK YOU WITHIN ME...

"vikram, i love you"
oh yeah and you said that to i dnt knw how many other ppl...

"so what am i supposed to do nw ? i cant change what happened"
AND U THINK I DONT KNOW THAT...how about just dealing with me when it bothers me..

"nitya wud knw"
yeah like that really helps....nitya told me nt to get into this relationship with you...she doesnt really knw a lot about u....

how about giving me back sum credit here pravi ??...despite u being so unfair with me..i still loved you...not tryna sound like a drama queen, but i frgt everything when i asked you ...u are the only person who makes me cry....u are the only one who kills me with words...u have given me my most humiliating night....
if u think i am selfish pravi....u r just cmpletley wrong...if i had been selfish, we wudnt be talkin...if i had been selfish..vikram wud just have been a distant memory for you...if i had been selfish..u still wud have been crumpled...

yesterday was ur night to save this relationship.......u didnt....Fuck if i knw whats gonna happen nw...