Why is stand up so tough ??
Because it is tough to understand what makes people laugh.

Bullshit.
College is coming to an end for most of the people i know around me. There is a sense of happy sobriety going over all of them. T-14 and most of them will never see each other again. The sequel will be directed under a brand new production banner. Life's good and all. Glitters and gift wrapping paper.

THEN WHY IN THE MIDDLE OF IT A FUSS NEEDS TO BE MADE ABOUT BULLSHIT LIKE CAP AND GOWN AND PHOTOS AND CEREMONIES AND OTHER SUCH BULLSHIT ??
Each one of you fucks, paid around $200,000 to study shit that u could have studied on your own with proper guidance. Instead you came here, got depressed first year, got drunk, struglled through classes, struggled to CRC, struggled to 8/9/10/11 am classes, struggled to culc, fought with friends, bitched about friends, got your pride shatters, boosted your ego etc etc etc.
The least you could do is graduate.

Its not a celebration. Its mere formality. Graduate, get the fuck out of here, curtains fall.

Writing block , writing block. FUCK

What happens when a redneck and a black guy have sex in paris ?? GINGER BREAD COOKIES

Lol
Aint i funny
No you are not
Yes i am
Whos a good boy
I am a good boy
Yeah fuck you too

Psychopath vs high functioning sociopath ?? both should be killed with a mosquito swatter
Consultancy vs engineering job ??   adultery
When will i ever get serious ?? When the laughter stops

4 years in this country i still dont know the proper way to use toilet paper.

Girls are no longer attractive, they are now judged based on their bitchiness.
1- she will break your heart
10- she will pretend to love you
Yes, this white one sells for $22 and she will only make you cry 3 days a week./
I can beat that offer. This brown one comes free of cost, only side effect, you will question your existence roughly every half na hour.

i think thats what girls do in general. Find a way to shit all over your heart.
Treat me, care for me, buy me gifts, make love to me, dance with me, lets go for a picnic, lets go meet friends, lets do this, lets do that, lets go climb the moon. WHERE THE FUCK DOES ALL THIS ENERGY COME FROM ??
How about no ? Lets not do anything. Lets go do nothing. Lets stay in this very present second and just sit here and witness the seconds ticking by.

Currently i stare at this campus, a campus of zombies, i swear. Everyone walking for no reason. REading without a choice. Talking without passion. Existing without a notion.
Life, is sucked out of each of these individuals.
The second someone smiles, there are 5 people staring at her, 15000 ignoring her. Absolutely everyone is having an existential crisis.
Why are pets not allowed on this campus ??
Pets will solve everything
A generation where everyone d'awws and droools and feigns and gags
Expression and emotion.
Holler and hustle.

I know i will prolly never get a chance to say this joke ever, but
"Dude you had sex with my ex ? How did the used tunnel feel ?"
"After, the first 2 inches, it was brand new territory "

Lets all love, Lets all live

But above all, lets all shut the fuck up and let others live.

Alright 420...Fuck 420...Fuck 350..Fuck P Diddy and fuck his mom and his dead cat...Fuck fucking everything...
You know why improv sucks ?? Coz you cant say anything without saying the word fuck

So listen up, you white piece of binary coded digitally encoded sheet, 420 sucks.
Life sucks in general, but 420 sucks even more.

Someone needs to know my entire theory about pravi. Its so crooked and fucked up, i dont expect a regular functional human sentient to understand 3 morsels of it. So i am submitting it to you, because you are a white piece of trash and you have no existential crisis going on in your life.

PRavi, more than a person, is an idea. Its an idea that makes me feel things and see things. Those 2 minutes of awkward conversation count for nothing. The 2 days of aftermath thought processes means everything. Pravi is the name of the idea that makes me feel things for once in my life. It makes me sad. It makes me feel things. It makes me human.
I fear Pravi, not the person, but the emotion i attach to that word. Pravi, is the only thing greater than me in my life. Again not the person, but the ideas attached with the person. I am scared of pravi, just because i am scared of nothing else that resembles anything human like.
I am desensitized, de-emotionalized, de-sanitized of all feelings, and then there's pravi, that brings back a rush of all things bad and painful and sorrowful that makes me feel things. In its pure mystical sadness, lies happiness. I feel things. I cry. Thats how much that idea means.

I stopped loving that person 3 seconds after we broke up. But i cant let her go. I am afraid. If someone that meant so much to you, can be let go so easily, is there anything that is important anymore ?

If i let her go today, who is to say i wont do the same with akansha ? I will stick to Akansha because of Pravi. Akansha means much more to me. So if Pravi can make me go all nuts like that, I cant begin to imagine what Akansha will be like. Hence, i will never leave her. GENIUS !!!

As flawed as this logic is, it works out perfectly for me.
A) I have a beautiful future with a beautiful past
B) IT JUST DOES WORK .. OKAY !!! DONT QUESTION IT.