well i mean the thing is...i am not cool with her selecting sumone over me ....lol....thats it...

after all this drama and tragedy...i am trying to rediscover myself....
i want to be what i was to her....i want to be the stable force in her life....
my worries my pains my sorrows my wants seem insignificant in front of my desire to be that person for her..i am really really trying to stop complaining...i just want her happy...

the entire yuvraj story....and dinner time with anuraag has kind of brought me down again....
add to the fact that...while sleeping that night she said that she misses him....its nt that she jus misses him...its more the way she said that...the passion and intensity at that moment...it is tough to take....sumtime i jus wonder....whether anuraag will pull off a vikram...who knws this summer....they both talk...and anuraag says it again...and pravi will be like...this is exactly what i was missing...to hell with vikram...

i knw the chances of that happening are highly unlikely...pravi tries her best to make me feel secure...but i am just an insecure unfortunate bastard lol.....i doubt my life way too much...

as of yesterday...i was just not satisfied with this relationship....right now..i am not satisfied with you....
your past demons keep surfacing every now and then...and it affects me..

i am alone pravi....i feel so lonely....bt i believe in you....if you can mess up with them...you can also make things better with me...

ders no use crying pravi....i knw ur story...i know your mental fight....it takes courage to deal with what you have gone through...now help me out here

and this is what i dont get.....whyare u gonna tell me after so long....why didnt u just tell me right at the beginning....i asekd u both about shyaam and yuvraj...and u said..nothing happened to both....

if this is what nothing exactly is...then why does it bother me so much....

maybe if all the lies that i told about angela and malvika should have been done to get some balance....

nah that wont help...i cudnt look at myself in the eye...

pravi...i am gonna be very frank...I HATE THE SITUATION I AM IN

its disheartening ....when your image in my eye is not of a nice girl....yet i love u...theres a reason why my love isnt pure...its coz none of us are.....i am selfish..you are tainted....

"he was acting like a giant buffoon...so i walked in....he locked the door....and he gave me some weird expression....and i returned it by my classy blank stare...he took my hands and..."

"there was just this one night where i messed up. I dont know what i was doing. I just completely gave in. coz i was already feeling guilty of not giving him anything"

"with shyaam it was different. i wanted it with him. he didnt do anything. i opened my shirt"

"i have sucked nimits cock before"

"i kissed him for 2 hours. but i still gave him the wrong number"

god knows how am i supposed to forgive all that. i want to i genuinely want to...but i am just unable to...i dont want to accept it...but it happened...

anuraag gave me sexual advice....shyaam gave me relationship advice...yuvraaj makes fun of me...thankfully i dont knw the 4th guy...

pravi i dont knw man...like wat am i supposed to do ?....why am i going through all this ??..why cant you take all my pains away and fill it with overwhelming happiness ??...

on top of that u tell me sex is weird....u laugh wen we are in it...u sleep on my erection...u get weirded out with sex....

what the hell am i...??..